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The First Day: Suspense and Anticipation
Saturday morning came. It was March second. I checked in with my body to see if I could sense anything happening. Nothing yet. Regardless, I had made the decision to stay at the apartment and try to “nest” and rest. I wasn’t nervous, but the suspense and anticipation of when everything was going to start was intense.
The Unforeseen Problems
Buried far beneath were a couple things that I decided not to pay attention to. One was because I didn’t think it would be an issue. And the other was due to there being nothing I could do about it.
Military vs. Massage Mindset
My military mindset was the first thing. The thought had cropped up months ago that I might not be able to relax and tune into my body like I needed to. Because I might still have the military muscle memory, the chance was high that I would fall back on it as soon as things started amping up. I passed over that thought as irrelevant because I had been doing massage therapy for two years at that point. I was thinking that this should be plenty of time for my subconscious to have adopted a different way of getting through labor. This concern stayed in the back of my mind, but I talked myself into deciding it was not important.
Where It Was All Going Down
Where I was giving birth was the second thing. Before we found out we were expecting, we had plans of waiting for two years before our first baby. We wanted to get into the perfect financial situation, get a house, and get settled in as a new couple first. We were in the middle of house-hunting when we discovered our little surprise. At once, all our plans came to a halt, and we shifted gears to accelerate bettering our financial position.
For me, not being able to get our own home was a let-down. The apartment was not home to me. It belonged to the corporation and the staff could come in at any time to do anything. I always felt, unless I was the one asking for maintenance to fix something, that they were invading my space and infringing on my privacy. Not to mention knowing my neighbors were six inches across the wall and I could hear them. We were surrounded by apartment buildings facing each other. If you had your blinds open to let in light, you could see straight through into someone else’s apartment.
For a real introvert like me, this was a problem! Birth is very sacred and vulnerable, to say the least, and circumstances forced me to accept that I was not giving birth at home, but in an apartment. Granted it was the best option. It was familiar to me and all my belongings were there, but I shoved the anxiety and feeling of being trapped into a brain compartment and kept going like everything was just fine. I had convinced myself to decide that I was completely ready.
And So, It Begins…
I was unaware of how these two things were affecting my emotional and mental state. I thought I was in a good place. So, I was excited when the cramping started that afternoon. I looked it up and researched it to confirm that it was indeed pre-labor. Later on, in the evening I lost my mucus plug. Oh yes! Things were happening! This was the beginning! It was finally here! I let the midwives know the news. I was ecstatic. This was great! They advised me to go to bed early and get plenty of rest. I agreed. But oh, the suspense and anticipation! The excitement! It was just building and building within me! I was ready!
The First Night: Suspense and Anticipation
When I went to bed, I had to consciously relax, so I wouldn’t keep myself awake with all the thoughts racing through my mind. Still, my sleep wasn’t all that deep. And sometime in the wee hours of Sunday morning, contractions were disrupting my slumber more and more. It was gradual, but by the time 6 am rolled around, I was having trouble going back to sleep. I began timing my contractions, and I texted the midwives to let them know I was for sure in the early stages of labor. After that, I was too excited and alert to go back to sleep. But I let my husband keep sleeping.
As the morning sunlight was sneaking around the edges of the curtains, I was thinking what a fitting way for this Sunday to begin! I was finally in labor!
For more on the topic of family, visit the Family page on my blog.
To learn more about the wonderful midwives who ministered to me during my pregnancy, birth and postpartum periods, visit their websites at Grace Midwifery and Blessings God’s Way.
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