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The Second Day: Pushing Myself and Trying to Rush It
Starting the Day Off Trying to Rush It
I had contact with the midwives from around 6 am on. An intensity of energy and excitement rushed through me. But a little voice in my head kept telling me to calm down, and I made some half-hearted attempts to listen. But in reality I was trying to rush it from the get go.
A little after seven am, I woke my husband up to let him know I was officially in labor and asked him to make me a big breakfast. The midwives recommended I eat hardy before I got too far along. John made me our tradition “day-off” fare of eggs, bacon, toast, and a tall glass of milk. By the end of breakfast, my contractions got noticeably closer and more intense.
Afterwards I took some water with me back to bed to rest and wait. The next couple hours seemed to go by very slowly as I timed my contractions. By almost 10 am, they were an average of 3-4 minutes apart. So, this being my first pregnancy I said yes, when Jodi asked me if I wanted them to come.
Contractional Disclosure
I had no idea at that point where I was in labor. The contractions were bearable, but I knew I was in active labor. The one thing that surprised me at this point was how variable the times were. I thought that once you reached a certain point, the contractions would be a steady, consistent length apart and duration.
But it’s not that way at all. They spaced apart anywhere from 2 minutes, to 4 minutes, back to 3 minutes, then way up to 5 minutes, then back down. They went all over the place in length from 56 seconds, to a minute and a half, then back down to just over a minute, then almost two. I guess I never realized that it wasn’t actually a steady pattern, but a range of intervals and durations.
Doing Active Labor Wrong…For Me
The midwives arrived a little after 10 am. I asked them to check, and I was 7 cm dilated. A thrill of excitement coursed through me, along with an edge of pleasant surprise. I had this image in my head of a steady progression of labor and delivery in the next 12-16 more hours, and I was ready to make this happen!
The midwives gave me a couple ideas for positions and labor progression. One of the ones they mentioned was walking if I wanted. That got stuck in my head. I lay in bed for a couple more minutes before I was pressured into getting up by the nagging refrain that I should be walking. (Not could walk IF that’s what my body told me I needed, like the midwives said).
I felt at this point that I had to do something to get things cranking, and my brain kept telling me that I was doing something wrong by not doing anything in bed. So, there I was, listening to my brain and ignoring my body, and walking around constantly. This was to be my MO for nearly my whole labor.
The day seemed to go by surprisingly fast. I am being real here. The midwives checked on me and the baby’s vitals every half hour. It seemed like only five minutes had gone by when they would come into check. I guess I was in some sort of mental zone, just focusing on one contraction at a time. I can’t even say how many I had in a 30-minute period. Frankly, I don’t remember.
My Awesome Husband
John stayed with me in the bedroom pretty much the whole time unless he was replenishing my snacks, water, or “Laborade”.
All day I was trying to rush it and thinking, “why do I seem to not be going anywhere or progressing any?” Other than my dilation, I didn’t feel like anything was happening. When was I going to get to the pushing part? I wanted my baby out already!
The Second Night: Exhausted from Trying to Rush It
The Way I See It
Before I continue, I would like to preface with something. The chronological details are somewhat blurry and discombobulated in my head. My midwives kept marvelous records, I might add. And they gave me a printout of my entire labor. Included were the half hour checkups, and the events, such as when I walked, ate, drank, changed positions, slept or tried different things. I debated on whether I would use that to give an exact, perfectly chronological retelling of my labor. In the end, I decided not to. I want to make this more about what I felt, and what stood out to me than anything else.
The Start of the Long, Dark Tunnel
At this point, I can’t remember whether I slept once or twice that night. All I know is that it was probably midnight when I drooped from exhaustion. My labor seemed to have ebbed a little and I was done. Disappointed. Drained. Upset. Tired. I asked the midwives if I should go lie down and sleep or not. They said that my body was tired and needed the rest to continue laboring, and I needed strength and energy for delivery. That was all I needed to hear. I went right to bed.
I don’t think I slept for long. My labor kicked back up to the point that it became hard to sleep, so I laid there for a bit after waking. Since I felt that I had more energy and was somewhat refreshed, I decided to get back up and start walking again. Seeing a pattern yet?
I don’t really remember anything from the period between getting up in the wee hours of the morning to the sunrise. But mentally I was still trying to rush it, and getting very impatient with the stall in progress.
My Co-laborer
I will say, in the middle of all this, John was a real trooper. He was there for me however I needed him, gave me comfort, reassurance, and made sure I had nourishment and liquids handy. Still, I had concern about him throughout the entire labor. It being our first, and neither of us knowing quite what to expect, even though we prepared as much as possible, I was conscious of his handling of it all. He seemed to endure rather well, but as it approached Monday morning, and I still hadn’t transitioned yet, I worried that the ordeal wore on him a lot.
Me
I was definitely close to the end of my emotional rope. It’s a good thing I didn’t know how much longer everything was going to take, or what kind of difficulties I would face. I was really ready for it to be all over.
For the first two articles in the series, click here to go to the Family page.
To see more of the wonderful things Grace Midwifery’s amazing midwife, Doran Richards offers to the whole community, visit her page at Blessings God’s Way.
