To Fit In Or Not Fit In? That Is the Question -

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Navigating the struggle of being expected to fit in…

The Question…To Fit In or Not Fit In?

To fit in or not fit in? That is the question. And what a struggle it brings! One of the first things you are going to run into as an obstacle in society is everyone expects you to behave, speak, and take part in a certain way. Their way. The way of the majority.

People who’s entire demeanor exudes confidence, boldness, and fun are the favorites of society. Those who come across as reserved, or quiet tend to be overlooked or avoided. They can’t be any fun or be an interesting person at all, right? So why bother? As introverts, we know better.

The Problem…

Conversationally, people generally are impatient. If someone takes long pauses to ponder how they want to say something, or thinks too long on how they want to answer the question, the other person can get frustrated and give up on the discourse to move on to someone “more engaging”. We notice the look of disinterest slip into their eyes, and we have that sinking feeling that we just lost their attention because we strive to be articulate and well-thought. They wrap it up and walk away, leaving us feeling like we flunked an opportunity…again.

Our favorite place to be is in the corner watching all the activity, with minimal participation punctuating our introspective state. Our polite decline must mean that we must not want to be there and we find their company unpleasant, right? And they think, “How rude!” As introverts, we know better.

So the question is, what’s an introvert to do? To fit in or not fit in? Do we mentally and emotionally exhaust ourselves to meet the expectations of the extrovert majority? Or do we never make headway in society by just being ourselves, while hating the misconceptions and misunderstandings that take too much effort to explain?

The Solution…

The good news is, there’s a solution. We don’t have to don the cloak of extroversion every time we step out the door, but neither are we sentenced to forever being the statue in the corner that no one notices or gets to know. There’s truly a happy medium, that, while requiring some expansion of your comfort zone, allows you to be who you are without compromise or apology.

There is one valuable upside to being an introvert that extroverts do not have. Extroverts can’t not be extroverts. They need people too much. Even their “me-time” has to include some form of socialization, or it doesn’t last long. And they can’t adjust their output for different situations. But we have powers! We can, with time and experience, fluidly adjust to the personality of whoever we’re with and draw from different forms of introvert spectrum to make it an enjoyable experience for us.

I will add here, for everyone who took personality tests to see where they fall on the introvert to extrovert scale, that people exist that are a perfect balance between the two and as such have no problem swinging over to one side or the other. These series of articles are not for them. They have it all figured out already, being blessed with the rare combination that allows it to come naturally and way too easy. They are in a camp all their own.

The Answer To Fit In Or Not Fit In

The question, to fit in or not fit in, has an answer outside the box. It’s neither. To borrow Oh’s phrase from Home, we can “fit out” and not only make it work, but also make it win for us.

Now that I have allayed your fears that I was just going to tell you to be more extroverted to make it in society, I can begin talking about the different circumstances and settings that you can make all aspects of your personality work for you.

To continue the series, or to read previous articles in “Navigating the Obstacles of an Extroverted Society, see my “Psychology” page at https://www.thoughtspirations.com/psychology/ .

If you would like to learn more on thriving as an introvert in today’s society, visithttps://www.quietrev.com/. Or click below to read the amazing book by the author on the preceding companion website.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

This is article two in the series Navigating the Obstacles of an Extroverted Society.

About Post Author

Amber Goodrich

I am a sojourner and adventurer through life, with plenty of inspiring thoughts to share! My journey has taken me through the United States Army as a Medic, transitioned me to the National Guard. On the civilian side of the ride, I am a Licensed Massage Therapist, wife and mother. Most recently I have started a new chapter as a budding freelance writer with the goal of expanding my horizons to write short stories and books. I look forward to traversing this path and seeing what it has in store!

amberrgoodrich@outlook.com